


I Get To Love You

by Cadburytrooper96



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Also a small cameo from Max and Raphael, And Alec has given them to him, And also wondering what he's done to deserve it, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Magnus thinking on how much Alec loves him, Post series finale, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 03:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18770410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadburytrooper96/pseuds/Cadburytrooper96
Summary: Magnus thinks back to all his years of loneliness and heartache and wonders how he was fortunate enough to find a love like Alec.Post 3x22 because goddamn Alexander Gideon Lightwood is madly in love with Magnus Bane and I will forever rejoice in that.





	I Get To Love You

“I’m never leaving you again”

He’d often dreamed of hearing those words from someone. Anyone. Not even a lover, just...someone who’d promised to be with him through the passing of time but he’d never actually believed it. He knew who he was. 

A monster.

A demon.

His own mother had killed herself to be rid of him, he had no delusions that anyone in their right mind would ever want to be with him forever and through the years, he’s been proved right. His mundane lovers either die or leave after they discover his true nature. His immortal ones are worse. They make it clear that he is too clingy, too much, too powerful, in Camille’s case, too weak to ever be with so he’s made his peace with it. No one will ever want him and that’s okay. 

Except it’s not. He can’t count how many times he’s cried himself to sleep in the lonely confines of whichever house he’s chosen to crash in or how often he’s gotten drunk or high enough to think past the shame of allowing virtually anyone to crawl into bed with him just so he can feel the warmth of another body and for a few moments, kid himself into thinking they’re there for him. 

Alec had been a breath of fresh air but he’d never let himself hope that it would be anything but sex. His own feelings didn’t matter but he was sure that once Alexander had an opportunity to experience how good and freeing being with a man could be, he’d be alone once again and he had made his peace with it. He’d been willing to suffer through that inevitable heartache just to savor the few moments of joy he’d found with the Shadowhunter and  _ gods _ wasn’t that pathetic?

Except, Alec had stayed. 

He’d stayed through the reveal of his father, seeing his true eyes, Magnus doesn’t think he’s ever had a lover who could even tolerate the sight of them yet every time his glamour falls away, Alec looks at him with the same awe and delight as he did the first time. Alec has stayed through hearing his dark, awful past and even when he’s pushed him away, Alec had come right back. 

He’d expected to hear virtually anything else from the Shadowhunter when he was pulled into the alley behind Hunter’s Moon but once again, Alec had shocked him by telling him he couldn’t live without him and honestly, what was Magnus supposed to do with that? Even hours after the frantic, feverish way they’d made love, after Alec had dropped into a deep sleep with his whole body sprawled against him like he couldn’t bear to be apart from even in his sleep, Magnus had lain awake, still high on his boyfriend’s confession. 

Someone wanted him, they actually wanted him and Magnus had given up nearly everything to make him happy. They hadn’t had enough time to look for second options, what with Lorenzo being the insufferable asshole he was but if Magnus was being honest, his urgency hadn’t come from wanting to save Jace, not all of it anyway. He’d pushed himself to the brink and sacrificed part of himself because he knew if Jace was lost, so was Alec and he didn’t think he could bear a life of not having the Shadowhunter by him, not after knowing how it felt to just  _ be _ with him. 

He’d taken in the joy on his boyfriend’s face at having Jace back and swallowed back his misery at losing his magic only to cry himself to sleep once he was in the safety of his apartment and  _ yet _ some part of him had felt happy because he’d proved himself to Alec, proved how much he needed him and wanted his happiness so Alec would stay. 

Of course, that turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of his life and it had only snowballed into Asmodeus gaining the upper hand and manipulating his perfect boyfriend into thinking he wasn’t enough. Like he wasn’t everything and more to Magnus. 

Sacrificing himself again to go to Edom hadn’t been much of a difficulty. Leaving Alec had hurt but at least he’d be safe and he would always prefer Alexander’s safety over his happiness. He’d expected to stay there for all eternity, forced to deal with the many petty demons of his father’s court but not only had Alec showed up, but he’d also brought his friends,  _ their  _ friends to help. The conviction in his eyes as he’d said he was going to stay in Edom had him gripping on to the Shadowhunter because he’d been asking how Alec had meant to go back and here he was, saying he would never leave. 

Days later, Jace had told him of the lengths his  _ husband  _ (the thought of Alexander being married to him still made him feel giddy) was willing to go to be with him and again, Magnus was floored. Being a vampire would have meant giving up the Institute, a job he knew Alec had wanted since he was a child. It would have meant the curse of immortality and having to watch his friends and family die while he was forced to live and Alec had made the decision like it was nothing, like he was worth all that pain. 

He’d practically jumped Alexander once he’d found out and then cried in his arms afterward because he still couldn’t believe that he’d been gifted with a love like that. 

A crash and excited giggles jolted him from his thoughts and Alec gave a small groan next to him. “I knew that silence was suspicious, the kitchen better be in one piece by the time we get there.” He mumbled against Magnus’ neck and the warlock chuckled. 

“Hopefully, they fare better in the kitchen than your sister does.” He replied and Alec snorted. 

“Rafa maybe. Max is a lost cause.” He murmured and Magnus gave a mock gasp of outrage. Alec reached out to hold his hand, smiling at the sound of their wedding bands clinking against each other because even after five years together, he still couldn’t believe he’d gotten to marry him. 

“I love you.” He whispered and Magnus blinked against the sudden sting in his eyes. 

“I love you too.” He replied, meaning every word. He still didn’t know what he’d done to deserve it but he wasn’t questioning it anymore. Alec loved him with everything in him and although it still shocked him, Magnus was never, ever letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe this show is over. Magnus and Alec are one of the best examples of true, honest love and I'm so proud and privileged to live in a time where I get to experience a gay relationship portrayed as loving and healthy instead of being fetishized. Harry Shum Jr. and Matthew Daddario played the hell out of these characters and I'm so so grateful to them.


End file.
